Things to (make sure I) know before I’m 30

We’ve all seen the Glamour article (well, at least a lot of the girls have read it).

It talks about boyfriends, bosses, dates, dumping, pride and purses – “30 Things Every Woman Should Have and Should Know by the Time She’s 30″. In was originally published in 1997 and still circulates around magazines and the web today! It was turned into a book featuring essays from famous woman (some a little famous, some a lot famous) that continues to see today.

Last month I saw an article tweeted about what you should know before you’re 25 and blogged about my thoughts. I am proud to say at the ripe ol’ age of 22, I am crossing things off that list!

I found this Huffington Post article a few weeks ago that talks about the Glamour list and wanted to share it on my blog. As a woman I couldn’t agree more… and this gives me some things to work towards in the next eight years.

Glamour’s “30 Things Every Woman Should Have and Should Know by the Time She’s 30” 

1. One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you’ve come.

2. A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family.

3. Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour.

4. A purse, a suitcase, and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying.

5. A youth you’re content to move beyond.

6. A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age.

7. The realization that you are actually going to have an old age — and some money set aside to help fund it.

8. An email address, a voice mailbox, and a bank account — all of which nobody has access to but you.

9. A résumé that is not even the slightest bit padded.

10. One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry.

11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra.

12. Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it.

13. The belief that you deserve it.

14. A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine, and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don’t get better after 30.

15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship, and all those other facets of life that do get better.
By 30, you should know …

1. How to fall in love without losing yourself.

2. How you feel about having kids.

3. How to quit a job, break up with a man, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.

4. When to try harder and when to walk away.

5. How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next.

6. The names of the secretary of state, your great-grandmothers, and the best tailor in town.

7. How to live alone, even if you don’t like to.

8. Where to go — be it your best friend’s kitchen table or a yoga mat — when your soul needs soothing.

9. That you can’t change the length of your legs, the width of your hips, or the nature of your parents.

10. That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over.

11. What you would and wouldn’t do for money or love.

12. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs, or not flossing for very long.

13. Who you can trust, who you can’t, and why you shouldn’t take it personally.

14. Not to apologize for something that isn’t your fault.

15. Why they say life begins at 30

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So I’ll admit, I’m working on the address that’s just mine, the decent piece of furniture not owned my mom and dad, the suitcase and the retirement fund. Well, actually my suitcase is just fine – but I think it would be cool to have a complete set (not a random piece given to my by the mercy of my parents). I would also like to know if the “ridiculously expensive” item I am to buy because I deserve it, needs to pass the dad approval test…because, if not, I think I deserve some more Burberry in my closet. Right? Ok, I’ll save my next splurge for a kick-butt power suit… perfect when I am conquering the business world.

And who are we fooling? My important mail still goes to my parents’ house. I don’t really know (yet) how to quit a job or ask for raise, and I apologize way too often for my own good. BUT this list shows me that I am maturing and finding my way.

I may not know how I feel about kids right now, but I don’t have to decide today, or tomorrow, or in one year. However, it is something that I will need to really start to contemplate in the next few years. I am figuring out my relationship with my family, friends and with my boyfriend. Even better, I am learning that I can do things alone. I ran the Capital City Half-Marathon by myself (and a few great supporters at mile 11 and the finish line) and I am get myself up, ready and to work/gym/friends’ houses on-time. Slowly learning what it is like to be a “grown-up”.It can be easy to want to call someone when life gets tough – and you’re allowed to ask for help. But, you need to know who is the right person to call and that no matter what, you could take care of a situation by yourself.

Here are five things I think should be added to the above list:

1. If a car gets you from Point A to Point B – you’re lucky
2. Not having fabulous weekend plans is ok (every now and then)
3. It doesn’t matter the size of the clothes you’re wearing. Squeezing yourself into a size 0 doesn’t make you look skinny
4. Brands are simply brands – there is more to life than comparing labels and designers. Keep clothes pressed and clean
5. No matter what, life goes on

Go the distance with a smile

Recently I posted a blog about long-distance relationships and the “joy” they bring. The phone  calls, the Skyping, the texting, working around two schedules and pretty much figuring out if the love is strong enough to cross miles.

Whole lot of ways to communicate – but there needs to be a balance. Couples can’t text too much and forgot to put down roots in their new town, but they also cannot forget that they are in a relationship and need to keep that strong.

Awesome. How could people possibly not love long-distance relationships?! However, the response to my first post was simply incredible. Distance can be across the country, thousands of miles away, states away, hours away or working with opposite schedules. One reader even shared her own form of “distance”: her husband travels two weeks out of every month and lives in her hometown the other week.

So how can you overcome the distance and still put-down roots in the new place? I know, personally, I am struggling with making Orlando my new home but remember my best-friends thousands of miles in Ohio. I want to establish myself with Disney and make Orlando my home, but I also have a boyfriend back in Ohio.

Make it work.

Here is a list of 10 tips & advice of handling long-distance relationships from readers:

 

1. Face the situation. You are now in a long-distance relationship and could (possibly) be in this situation for an extended period. It’s.going.to.be.FINE. Sulking, having a sad disposition, complaining and crying is going to hurt both people in the relationship and those around you.
2. Not telling the other person you miss them CONSTANTLY. Again, this puts a gloomy cloud on the entire relationship and stress on the relationship. Of course you miss the other person! Make sure you talk about other things besides the fact that you “miss” the other.
3. Set clear guidelines & expectations right away. What do you expect from the other communication/visiting/commitment wise? Seems like a pretty simple conversation, but it can be awkward to ask the first question. Are both people in the relationship aware that this is a serious and exclusive relationship and some time of communication is expected every day? The more you discuss at the beginning the less heartache you will have down the line.
4. Talk at least once a day – and try to really talk. Set aside fifteen minutes to focus solely on your boyfriend/girlfriend. Ask about their day, work, classes, plans for the weekend, friends, your day, your plans…anything! Talking about new things is a great way to keep the conversation moving and stops you from going back to the “miss you” statements.
5. Utilize all forms of communication. A quick text during your lunch break, a Skype date after a long day of work, a cute email waiting for the other Monday morning at work are all great ways to stay strong. It doesn’t need to be complicated, just from your heart.
6. Don’t be controlling or jealous. I’ll admit, this can be a hard one for me to remember. When the other person has plans when you don’t or can’t talk when it is convenient for you – it can be very hard to not get frustrated. Also, if your partner hangs out with a groups, large or small, and other girls/boys involved …again, that is ok. No jealousy! If there is no trust in your relationship it doesn’t matter if you’re one thousand, one hundred, ten or one mile away – the relationship will only prevail if there is 100% trust.
7. Have a date-night. Just because you are apart doesn’t mean you can’t do things together. Watch something together (one reader says she and her boyfriend stream a movie online every Thursday night at 6:00 p.m.) Or Skype during your favorite comedy show on Thursday night. It may seem silly and a little ridiculous, but it will keep your relationship strong and help keep that “alone” time strong. Couples can also play games together online and listen to music. My friend and her boyfriend have “music wars” when then Skype – she plays a song and picks a certain word in the lyric, and then he needs to find a song starting with the lyric she picked. Again, silly, but keeps the atmosphere FUN.
8. Support one another in all challenges and hurdles. Even when your partner is miles away, they still need your support, strength, respect and love during hard times. Be available to your boyfriend/girlfriend when they need you, and expect the same from them.
9. Have faith and include the other in your “new” life. You’re going to make new friends, both at work and in your personal life, and it may become slightly awkward when the two worlds meet. Let it be awkward and push through, the situation will become easier. It is OK to build your own life away from your partner – and then combine the two worlds.
10. Visit often and appreciate every moment together. I don’t even think this needs an explanation. Enjoy the time with the one who love, and keep the smile on your face when they leave. Life is supposed to be full of happiness, find joy everyday. long-distance relationships can and do work out.

“Distance never separates two hearts that really care,  for our memories span  the miles and in seconds we are there.  But when I start feeling sad,  because I miss you, I remind  myself of how lucky I am to have someone so  special to miss.” – This is the quote my boyfriend wrote to me in a letter that I received a few days after I moved to Orlando. This is what I remember when the days become a little rough, but the moment of sadness always passes and I now have my new Orlando family to to keep my strong.

Thanks for reading!

“Distance means so little when someone means so much”

This morning I dropped my boyfriend off at the airport to head back to Ohio after four fun-filled days in Orlando.

We hopped around some magical parks, ate at fantastic restaurants, saw beautiful fireworks and traveled around the world at Epcot’s Food and Wine Festival. It was a perfect five days and over way too quickly. Before I could blink, it was time to head back to the airport.

This is the second time I’ve embarked on a long distance relationship – the first occurring my freshman year of college. As much as I’d like to tell you that I was the mature woman I am today at the tender age of 18, I think we all know that is far from the truth. I grew both mentally and spiritually during my four years of college, so I feel that my relationship now is completely different.

Long distance.  Whooole lot of meaning packed inside two small words. Long distance can meet from Ohio State University to a branch campus, Columbus to Cincinnati, Ohio to Florida, Alabama to Florida and so many more. Trust me, between my myself, my friends and my new roomies have lived through it all.

We are trying to overcome not only miles between the ones we love – but also leaving a boyfriend/girlfriend in an old environment and entering a new situation. It’s hard when my boyfriend is now in a “big-boy” job and no longer living on campus while I’m over 1000 miles away in Florida. My roommate is also seeing her boyfriend enter into a Master’s program, again – him leaving his own comfort zone and his friends to a brand new world, while his girlfriend is hours away in Florida. Situations also come where the boyfriend is still in college, used to going out with his boys but now changing his schedule to accommodate a long-distance girlfriend.

So what do you do? How to you work together to seamlessly flow together two lives in different states – but keeping each individual their own? I don’t want to fall into that trap of becoming THAT couple (you know which one, the couple that is always texting each other, always on the phone and can’t seem to establish a shred of independence or two distinct personality).

Where is the line between the proper amount of communication to keep a relationship strong, but not becoming fixated on one another? I see so many couples constantly tell the other how much the love and miss one another it almost seems to make the situation worse.  Is it age? When do you finally turn the corner and become an “adult” and have the maturity to handle the responsibility of a long-distance relationship?

What do you think? I hope this blog can become a bucket-list of advice for ways to handle long-distance relationship, please tell me your thoughts!

Check out the advice from readers on ways to make long-distance work!

Disney Pricess get a reality check

When does a girlfriend overstep boundaries into her boyfriend’s personal life? I feel like I am a child play with matches – and it worries me that I am close to starting a wildfire.

~ Caution – emotional blog below ~

I grew up in a “typical” and very strong family structure. Mandatory family dinners, vacations and game-nights occurred regularly. However, the diversity I experienced in college showed me family comes in all shapes and sizes, the only thing that matters is the love and respect members show one another.

That’s one reason I love what Disney stands for, it encourages families to come together and make memories. Not only that, it allows parents to be kids again and laugh. Seems almost like a strange concept in today’s world.

But sometimes the respect disappears, and when families go through hard times it is easier to lash out in anger rather than admit defeat. Currently, my boyfriend’s parents are in the middle of a divorce/dissolution and things are getting tense. When one parent begins dating again it’s hard to make both sides happy.

The entire situation breaks my heart. And worse, I can’t FIX IT. There is nothing I would love more but to  make everything better – isn’t that one of the roles as a girlfriend? I’m having a hard time not giving advice and simply listening.

When does a girlfriend cross the line of giving advice and meddling? I want my boyfriend to stay close to both his parents, and if accepting his parents’ new relationships is what it takes, then that’s what needs to happen.

I just worry I am pushing him to accept things too quickly.

With graduation only days away I feel that I am officially entering the adult world, but I am still only a child. Throughout these changes and uncertainty, I realize how incredible lucky I am to have so much love around me.

And I hope I can learn how to listen to the people I care about – and learn to keep my advice to myself.